


Hey, Marko. How are you feeling?

by FanFicReader01



Category: Poets of the Fall
Genre: Acceptance, Domestic, Domestic Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family, Fluff, Happy Ending, M/M, POV Second Person, Sappy, friends - Freeform, genderfluid! Marko, identity crisis, queer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-10
Updated: 2019-01-10
Packaged: 2019-10-07 22:55:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 4,937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17374760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FanFicReader01/pseuds/FanFicReader01
Summary: Marko realizes he might not be entirely male and decides to tell his friends.To do so, is a difficult process but in the end he will manage.// Originally written as a Twine 2 interactive story, the 'choices' you make, will affect the chronology of the chapters you're going to read this in!If you want a download link to get the full, serious experience, feel free to message me on my tumblr! (url is in my profile description on ao3 ;) )





	1. The day

**Author's Note:**

> Since this is the first time, I'll do a Choose-Your-Own advenutresque kind of thing, forgive me if I might mess up the goddamn chapter chronology n all ><

Today is the day. You will finally tell your fellow bandmates, your friends about your new discovered identity.

You’re both **thrilled** and **fearful** to tell them.

 

With fresh courage you step into the **studio.**

 

>> thrilled: go to chap 2

>> fearful: go to chap 3

>> studio: go to chap 5

 

 

 


	2. Thrilled

You simply _know_ they'll accept you.   
  
...  
  
Well... You _think_ the other guys will accept you.  
  
  
You hope they'll **understand**.

 

>> Go back to chapter 1


	3. fearful

What if they won't accept you?

Maybe because they don't understand.

Maybe because they've always seen you as a **guy** .

 

There's always the doubt in your head. Because it _can_ go wrong. You _know_ about other people coming out and _not_ being accepted by those they trusted most.

And that simple fact, that "mere" given fact, still makes you so _ **doubtful**_.

 

>> guy: go to chap 4

>> doubtful: go back to chap 1


	4. guy

A man. You've always been a man to them.  
Despite the makeup, the nail polish you've come to love and wear often. Despite the boa and the extravagant clothing style you often display.  
  
In the end, everyone, the _world_ sees you as a **guy**.

 

>> guy: go back to chap 3


	5. the studio

Most guys are already there. Markus is sitting at the kitchen table with Jaska. The guitarist is looking at something on his phone. Probably puppy videos.

Markus is reading a newspaper while taking a sip from his coffee every once in a while.

Jari is sitting behind his drums. He's wearing headphones, totally into the moment because he doesn't notice you.

Jani's taking a nap on the shared couch.

 

"Where is Olli?"

 

"He said he'd arrive later!" comes Kapu's reply from outside the kitchen.  
Jani stirs awake. He looks confused about his environment. You chuckle and Jari, now paying attention to the scene in front of him, laughs too.  
  
"Finally, you're awake! Hey, Marko. Good to see you!"  
The drummer turns to the bassist and crosses his arms in a judging way.  
 "What?" Jani complains.  
 "You were supposed to go to the shop! You know, get us some groceries!"  
  "Oh, shit. I'll be right back!"  
Alerted Jani jumps off the couch, almost trips if it wasn't for your own reflexes to catch the man.  
   
\--  
  
  
 "Marko, do you need anything specific from the mall?"  
  
"You know what? I'll go with you!"

 

\--

 

The two of you leave the building and start walking. After all, it's only a ten minute walk from this block of the city.  
  
You've put your scarf up higher, your hands safely tucked away in your coat. You walk close to Jani as the man is chattering away about something you didn't really listen to.  
  
"Hey, Marko. Are you listening?"  
 "Yeah," you mutter, obviously absently.  
 Jani stops in his tracks and looks at you with uncertainty.  
  "Is everything alright?"  
 You gulp and eventually say:  
  
**1 "Everything is fine. Don't worry about me. I'm just a bit lost in my thoughts."**  
  
**2 "I need to tell you something. Something's bothering me."**  
   
 1: go to chap 6

 2: go to chap 7


	6. "Everything is fine. Don't worry about me. I'm just a bit lost in my thoughts."

Jani smirks and nods. "You're always lost in thoughts. It's alright. Didn't say anything super special anyway."  
  
The two of you keep walking but you still feel miserable. You went to the mall with Jani so you'd have time alone. Time to talk in //private// about your newly found gender identity.  
  
Why is it always so difficult and-

 

Before you know it you've arrived in the shopping mall. You take out a basket and Jani folds the grocery list open.  
  
"Time to shop!" He smiles. You smile along but the knot in your stomach begins to grow. You're so nervous, your hands begin to feel damp.  
  
Still, you pretend nothing is going on and help your friend with the completing the shopping list.  
  
  
_Tell him._  
_Tell him, Jani will understand._  
_Tell him, please._  
  
When you're at the fridge department, you can't stand it anymore.  
A bit too loud you exclaim:  
  
"Jani, we need to talk."

Jani turns around with the chocolate pudding in his hand.  
 "You don't want this?" he asks surprised.  
 The nerves make you cackle about it as you shake your head. "No, that's not it. Earlier you asked me if I was alright and the honest answer is _no_."  
   
 Your voice is shaky and even your hands might as well tremble. Jani straightens his back and slowly puts the bottle in your basket.  
  "Sure. You want to discuss it here?"  
 You look around you. No one's listening in on you so you nod.  
  "You can tell me everything, Marko. I won't judge," Jani smiles that genuine, warm smile of his.  
   
   
 "Thank you. I-, I've been struggling with my gender identity for some time now."

"Oh. Your... gender identity?"  
 "Yeah."  
 "So... You're not a man anymore?"  
 "What? No! I m-mean...,"  you stammer. "I-It's more complicated then that."  
 Jani crosses his arms and nods. He is frowning and you wonder if that's a good sign or not. Still, you try to continue and explain to him.  
   
 "It's not that I'm _not_ a man anymore. But I don't feel like a female either. As I said, it's complicated.  
  "Wait... So is it like a hermaphrodite?"  
  "No, it's not," you sigh in half defeat. You wonder if Jani's just joking with you but giving his look, he is serious and concerned.  
   "I'm trying to understand. But sorry if that's not what it looks like now. I'm not very home in these... topics," Jani mutters an apology.  
That gives you some new hope.  
  
 "It's a constant struggle and sometimes it feels so clear to me. Like the lyrics that often come to me in my musings.  
 Sometimes I do feel like a guy. But other times I just don't. And then I don't feel like... anything. I mean, any gender we know about."  
  "You're a bit of an in-betweener?" Jani guesses.  
  You nod. "Maybe. There are moments I feel like I belong on the female side of the spectrum."  
   "There's a spectrum?" Jani asks, he looks truly interested.  
 "Yeah. For me-, and _many_ other people, we view gender as a spectrum."  
  "So that's a bit like the fact not everything is just black or white."  
 "Exactly", you smile.  
   "And that makes you..."  
 "Fluid. Well, at the moment I think I might be gender fluid."  
  "You-"  
 "Fluctuate between the spectrum," you finish his sentence. There's regained confidence in your voice.  
   
There's a moment of silence between you. A difficult silence for both.  
Jani is in thought. Eventually he looks up to you again and grins.  
  
"Cool."

"You think so, really?" You exclaim, almost too excited.  
The bassist nods with a smile. He takes over the basket from your trembling hands. "Hey, it's fine with me, Marko."  
He looks a bit hesitant with his following words. "So, do you want a new name now? More, how you say it? Gender neutral or something?"  
 You wait. You never really wanted to change you name.  
"No. B-But I'm thinking of using different pronouns."  
  "What kind? She? He?"  
"They is also fine. I think it will depend on how I'll feel," you mutter.  
 "It will be done," Jani says.  
   
 Suddenly you panic again You haven't told the rest yet and-  
  "Wait! Don't tell the others yet! Just use he, him for now. I tell you when the others know as well!"  
  "Okay. Until then, I'll keep my mouth shut." Jani winks.  
   
 Relieved, you continue the shopping part of the day before returning to the **studio** .

 

>> studio: go to chap 8

 


	7. "I need to tell you something. Something's bothering me."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Read this if Marko immediately told Jani to talk about something.

Jani stops in his tracks to give you his full, undivided attention. His brow turns into a frown.  
You swallow heavily. There's a lump stuck in your throat. The cold wind suddenly becomes even colder, more harsh.  
  
"I don't know how to tell this b-but..."  
 "Hey, calm down. It will be fine. I won't judge," Jani reassures you before giving the word back to you.  
 You nod and chuckle. Of course Jani won't judge. That's how he is.  
 So you finally tell him.  
   
 "I've been struggling with my gender identity.  
  
"Oh. Your... gender identity?"  
 "Yeah."  
 "So... You're not a man anymore?"  
 "What? No! I m-mean...,"  you stammer. "I-It's more complicated then that.  
 Jani crosses his arms and nods. He is frowning and you wonder if that's a good sign or not. Still, you try to continue and explain to him.  
   
 "It's not that I'm //not// a man anymore. But I don't feel like a female either. As I said, it's complicated.  
  "Wait... So is it like a hermaphrodite?"  
  "No, it's not," you sigh in half defeat. You wonder if Jani's just joking with you but giving his look, he is serious and concerned.  
   "I'm trying to understand. But sorry if that's not what it looks like now. I'm not very home in these... topics," Jani mutters an apology.  
That gives you some new hope.  
  
 "It's a constant struggle and sometimes it feels so clear to me. Like the lyrics that often come to me in my musings.  
 Sometimes I do feel like a guy. But other times I just don't. And then I don't feel like... anything. I mean, any gender we know about."  
  "You're a bit of an in-betweener?" Jani guesses.  
  You nod. "Maybe. There are moments I feel like I belong on the female side of the spectrum."  
   "There's a spectrum?" Jani asks, he looks truly interested.  
 "Yeah. For me-, and //many// other people, we view gender as a spectrum."  
  "So that's a bit like the fact not everything is just black or white."  
 "Exactly", you smile.  
   "And that makes you..."  
 "Fluid. Well, at the moment I think I might be gender fluid."  
  "You-"  
 "Fluctuate between the spectrum," you finish his sentence. There's regained confidence in your voice.  
   
 There's a moment of silence between you. A difficult silence for both.  
 Jani is in thought. Eventually he looks up to you again and grins.  
  "Cool."

"You think so, really?" You exclaim, almost too excited.  
THe bassist nods with a smile. He puts a hand on your shoulder. It's kind of awkward but you welcome his sudden touch.  
He looks a bit hesitant with his following words. "So, do you want a new name now? More, how you say it? Gender neutral or something?"  
 You wait. You never really wanted to change you name.  
"No. B-But I'm thinking of using different pronouns."  
  "What kind? She? He?"  
"They is also fine. I think it will depend on how I'll feel," you mutter.  
 "It will be done," Jani says.  
   
 Suddenly you panic again You haven't told the rest yet and  
  "Wait! Don't tell the others yet! Just use he, him for now. I tell you when the others know as well!"  
  "Okay. Until then, I'll keep my mouth shut." Jani winks.  
   
  You go to the shop with a lightened heart. Afterward you walk back, relieved, to the **studio.**

 

>> studio: go to chap 8

 


	8. Back at the studio

"We're back!" Jani loudly announces. You follow with a smile. You're happy the bassist already knows and was trying to be understanding.  
  
Four people to go now.

 

You go to the **drumkit**.  
  
You decide to check in on **Markus and Jaska**.  
  
You want to tell **Olli** second so you wait for him to arrive.  
  
\--  
  
It's a relief, knowing that all the guys accepted you. So now it's time to tell everyone how you'd like to be addressed in **the future.  
**

 

>> Drumkit: go to chap 9

>> Markus & Jaska : go to chap 10

>> Olli: go to chap 11

>> the future: go to chap 12


	9. Talk to Jari

You exchange a meaningful look with Jani who then retreats to the kitchen to store your groceries.  
  
"Hey, Jari. We're back."  
 "Finally!" the smaller man chuckles. He no longer is listening to something on his headphone but is instead practicing.

But when he sees you want to talk to him in all seriousness, he puts away his drumsticks and stands up from behind the drumkit.  
   
 "Something the matter? You look a bit tense," Jari says worried.  
  "Yeah. But don't worry, it's not about you or the other guys."  
  "Is it about you?"  
  "Yes. I hope you'll understand what I'm about to tell you. It's not easy for me."

"I think I might be gender fluid," you whisper.  
 "You what?" Jari looks confused. You know he doesn't mean it in a harsh way but still you slightly cringe.  
  "I might be gender fluid," you repeat.  
 "You're trans?" Jari whispers back. "I'm sorry, I didn't hear you before but... is that true, Marko?"  
 Then you remember Jari has a sister who's trans so maybe he understands it a bit more than Jani.  
  "I guess so. But, I don't feel dysphoric always. Well, sometimes and..."  
 "But so you're not a trans woman?" Jari guesses and you confirm.  
  "I told Jani I'm a bit of both. A bit of in-between," you confess.  
  Jari nods now. He seems to understand it a bit.  
   "Well, thanks for telling me. Do the others know?"  
  "I'm working on it."  
   "Tell me when I can call you by your correct pronouns  Jari smiles.

 

>> go back to chap 8


	10. Talk to Markus and Jaska

You go into the kitchen where the guitarist and keyboardist still are.  
Now they're playing some game together on their phones.  
When they see you, they quickly stop and help you put the freshly bought stuff away.  
 "Could I talk to you two for a minute?" you quietly ask.  
 "Of course," Markus immediately replies.  
 Jaska nods to confirm. "Whatever secret you want to tell us, it's safe with us."  
 You chuckle nervously and nod. "Yeah, about  that."

 

"You guys know I'm a bit odd at times, right?"  
The other musicians chuckle and nod. "Nothing wrong with that, it's just you. And that's how it always will be," Kapu says.  
Jaska adds: "And that's perfectly fine with us."  
 "What if that would change?" you say. You never felt this small and unsure.  
  Markus raises an eyebrow. "What do you mean with that?"  
"What if I'm not who you thought I was?"  
  "You're speaking in riddles, Marko," Jaska says.  
"I just don't always feel like a man."  
 "But you are a man!" Jaska exclaims confused. Kapu hushes him and you inhale sharply, before exhaling weakly.  
  "Not always. I sometimes feel... like a woman. If that makes any sense?"  
 Kapu and Jaska give each other a look. They seem lost.  
  "Sometimes I feel more like a woman. Other days I feel perfectl fine with how I am now," you try to explain. The guys nod along.  
  "But there are also moments I don't know what kind of gender I _am_. It probably sounds ridiculous and-"  
   " _Nothing_ of you is 'ridiculous'," Markus cuts you off. He makes you look up and he is smiling.  
  "It's alright, Marko. We may not understand it perfectly but we'll try to." Jaska states.  
  "Could I ask something then?" Markus wonders out loud. You nod.  
 "If  you don't always feel like both... Does that make you trans?"  
  "In a way," you mutter, staring at the table. You scratch off some of the nail polish. You should repaint it or completely take it off.  
   "I feel gender fluid."  
 "Sounds interesting," Jaska comments.  
   "Is there anything we could do to... help?" Kapu carefully asks.  
"When everyone knows it, I'd like to use different pronouns besides he, him."  
 "What other pronouns?" Jaska wonders.  
  "She, her. Maybe even they, them," you reply.  
 Your friends mutter and are silent for a bit. Eventually they make eye-contact again.  
 "Do what you feel is right," Jaska says.  
"Yes... and, eh if you ever need someone to talk about this, we'll always try to listen," Kapu asks.  
 "Thank you, so much, guys."  
   
 It's time you try to tell the others.

 

>> go back to chap 8


	11. Talk to Olli

Olli luckily doesn't make you wait longer than ten minutes.

The guitarist stumbles inside. Before anybody else can get to him, you help him inside and immediatly you decide to get to  the point.

 

"Could I talk to you in private for a moment?" you ask.  
Your fellow blondie nods. "Okay."  
You seclude yourself a bit from the others before you dare to face Olli again.   
  
"Olli, I don't know how else to state this but... I'm gender fluid."  
Olli gawks at you and you wonder if you suddenly turned into some strange being that he cannot hold a grasp to. You basically can see the calculations made in his head, seen through his blue mirrors.  
 "O-Okay. Does that mean you're- no longer my boyfriend?"  
  A rush of fear goes through you. Did Olli just end your relationship and-  
 "Does that make you my... _partner?_  
   
 _Short relief. Your heart calms down._  
   
 "Eh, yeah?"  
  "That's okay for me, Marko. Or-, do you not want to be called like that anymore?"  
  "You understand?" you ask, instead of answering his direct question.  
 "I think I do. A little bit. Fluid means you can 'change', right? And when you apply or attach that to the word 'gender' it means you kind of change your gender?" Olli guesses with some uncertainty in your voice.  
  "Kind of. It's more nuanced in reality. Sometimes I just don't know either," you sigh.  
  "You'll figure it out. Or maybe not. But thank you, for telling me," Olli smiles before he kisses you on the cheek. It eases your heart even more and you sigh in pure admiration of your partner.  
  "So you accept me?"  
 "I always did, silly," Olli chuckles.  
  
  
"Good.Now I only have to tell the rest.

 

>> go back to chap 8


	12. The future

After you told all your friends, you sit them down in the studio during lunch.  
  
"Guys, I'd like to discuss something with you all. It's not about our music or about any of  you so don't worry about that.  
It's about me and my identity. I told all of you individually about my new doubts about my gender, right?"  
  
The musicians nod.  
  
"Now that my best friends and colleagues know, I'd like to come out to more people. And-," you pause. You look at each friend and bandmate now.  
  
They're listening, _waiting_. So you continue.  
  
  
"I'd like you to keep calling me Marko. Or M."  
 "Just M?" Olli asks.  
 You nod. "Yes, M. As for the pronouns. Any of them are fine, really. So you could refer to me as a 'she.'"  
  "Wait, but what if... If you, at the moment, might not feel like that pronoun?" Jari questions.  
  It's something you didn't expect him to say, but you like his input.  
 "Well... I, ehm..."  
  There falls new silence in the room.  
   
   
"Maybe we should just ask you how you're feeling on that day. Or... on that hour," Kapu finally comes up with a possible solution. You like that solution.

 

You realize life is going much better now that you've come out to your friends and close environment. You hope that when the touring begins again, you're able to remain truthful to yourself.  
  
"What if some of the fans won't accept it?"  
 "Then they're not true fans," Olli firmly says.  
You hold your lover's hand and squeeze it slightly. "Probably."  
 "Not just probably. It //is// true. If they cannot accept the way we are, then I don't think they'd be worthy of our time."  
I sigh. Olli's right.  
 "Hey, come on. We're going to watch a movie together, right?"  
 "Yeah," you smile at your partner and press a quick smooch on his lovely hair before Olli unpauses the movie and you continue watching this sappy movie you've seen hundreds of times by now.  
  
Yes, you can relish in the new positivy surrounding you already.

 

>> from here on you can just read it as a regular fic lol <3


	13. Practicing days

Olli and you drive together to the studio to rehearse your latest track.  
 "How are you feeling, M?" Olli asks.  
 "I feel a bit of a 'she' today," you mutter. Your friend nods.  
  "Hence the skirt?"  
 You ogle down and then nod. It's cold so you've decided to wear the skirt of your casual jeans.   
   
You two enter the studio and are greeted by the drummer who seems to have just arrived as well.  
 "Hey, Olli! Hi Ma-. How you feeling?"  
 "Feeling M today," you nod. Jari acknowledges, now noticing the black skirt.  
  "I like the skirt. It's pretty," Jari compliments you and you smile.   
 "Well thank you."  
  "I'm glad too," Olli adds. Oh no, here he goes. "M took hours in the shop. She simply couldn't choose what colour. This one, the blue or the red version. I kept telling her the black would suit her the most."  
  You roll your eyes and poke your partner jokingly.  
 "It's not always easy choosing these clothes!"  
 You all eventually have a laugh before entering the studio.  
   
 It's going to be a fun day.


	14. The domestic life with Olli

"Rise and shine," comes a soothing voice. However, you're still tired. You worked all night long to get some of the lyrics right and-  
 "Come on, wake up. Or the eggs are going to get cold."  
"Urgh, you're already up?" you mutter at Olli. The man laughs.  
 "That's the sun's duty. Don't make me splash water into your face //again//!"  
 That's the right motivation. You sit right up and look around you. You're at your shared apartment and when you glance at Olli, he's already fully dressed.  
   
 "What's today's pronoun?" Olli asks when you walk into the kitchen. It smells like eggs with tomato. Delicious.  
  "Hm, don't know yet."  
 "Is they fine with you?"  
  "Yeah. Thanks for the breakfast."  
    
 ****  
   
   
 "Would you like to go shopping with me today?" you ask.  
 Olli shrugs his shoulders. "Sure, why not?"  
  "It might going to take awhile."  
 "Is it for clothing?" Olli smirks. Even before you came out, it always took you long time to make decisions on clothing.  
  "You want to buy dresses? Jaska told me about this one shop his partner always goes to."  
   "That. And maybe a skirt. And some more neutral clothing as well," you answer.  
     
\--  
  
People give you some looks but you try to ignore it. It's not the first time people have glanced at you in a curious or negative way.  
But now, during your quest of finding yourself again, you realize you  _do_ feel a bit uncomfort by the strangers' eyes.  
But Olli is with you, encouraging you.  
  
-  
  
"Now that's a flamboyant outfit."  
 "Is it too much?"  
"Nothing is too much for you," Olli laughs.  
  
-  
  
"Oh, I like that red necklace too. It's kind of sexy."  
 "Hm, I think it's a bit too heavy."  
  
-  
  
"Is he still in the changing room?"  
 "Oh, well. Yeah _they_ are still in the clothing booth. Don't worry. I tell them. Hey, M! Hurry up a bit!"  
  "Alright, alright! I'm almost done!" you shout back as you try to wrestle yourself out of the dress that was a tad _too_ small for your likings.  
    
\--  
  
You treat Olli on a nice, fancy dinner at home and you smile when he compliments the new garments. You're wearing a feminine necklace and even new earrings.   
You cook for him in a pink apron and Olli halfly jokes he's jealous of your new fashion sense.  
 "You make  _me_ want to wear those dresses and skirts too."  
"I'm sure they'd fit you too."  
  
-  
  
After your dessert you share a bottle of tickling champagne before heading up to the bedroom.  
 You fall into Olli's arms and onto the matress.  
"How do you want me to call me, tonight?" he asks.  
 "Call me M."  
"And how do you want me to make love to you?" your partner and life-time friend asks in a husky tone.  
 "Make me feel feminine," you whisper back.  
 Olli smirks. "Everything for you, my love."  
   
This night, or your life in general, couldn't be any better.


	15. The announcement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Coming out is truly a scary thing. And much congratz to those who did!  
> To those who can't yet or won't ever want/can't come out, that's fine too and you're still so precious and brave to move on. :3 <3

The moment has actually arrived. There is going to be a new tour and with that, you also want to announce your new gender identity.  
  
Your friends and family support you and are behind you when you make the promotional video. Olli has his hand on your shoulder as physical comfort.  
  
"Hey, everybody! I'm M and that's Olli, my wonderful partner!"  
 "Hi!" Olli smiles into the camera too.  
"As members of Poets of The Fall we'd like to give some great news. There will be a new tour coming up in a couple of months! So if you want to know all about the dates and places we'll be, just click on the link below or visit our site!"  
  
The video gets paused so you can ready yourself for the _other_ announcement.  
  
"You ready?" Markus asks. You nod. "Okay, and we're rolling again!"  
  
"So... As you might've noticed with the introduction, I referred to myself as 'M'. Don't worry, I'm not going to tell you that I've become a spy or anything. But I //do// have changed a little."  
  
You sigh and lower your head. You rub your fingers over your temples.  
 "I don't know if I can do this," you grunt.

"It's alright. Take a deep breath. Or should we take a pause?" Markus asks concerned.  
 "I-, I'll manage. But yeah, I might need to take a short break," you mutter.  
   
\--  
  
Finally you've gathered your courage again and sit in front of the camera again. This time you'll succeed in delivering the message.  
  
"So yeah, I've discovered that I have a fluent sense of gender. That means I'm genderfluid. I don't only identify as male anymore. Sometimes I feel more like a woman. Or something in-between or nothing at all.   
Please mind you, this doesn't change anything about the music we're creating. We're still the same. All of us. Except that I don't always want to be referred to as Marko anymore. That's why I introduced myself as M at the start of this video."  
  
"That's right. They're still our lead singer. THey just use different pronouns sometimes. And mighth appear in different clothes but I don't think that should affect the way you look at them," Olli jumps in.  
  
You don't mind and are glad he is here to help you out explicitly.   
  
"Yes, please don't think anything bad of me," you chuckle but there's emotion in your voice. You come to rest your head on Olli's shoulder.  
 "If so, you need to re-evaluate your life and prejudices," Olli stares sharply into the cam.  
 It makes Kapu laugh out loud so they have to stop the vid.  
   
"Come on, I mean it's true!" Olli exclaims, slightly offended. You manage to laugh.  
  
\--  
  
The video is finally video done.

\--

Much to your pleasant surprise, many fans have accepted you.  
Of course there are haters but as your friends remind you, you're better off without these so-called 'fans.'  
  
"They're not worth our attention," Jani huffs.  
 "That's right," Jari adds.  
"After all, hate is not where we stand for as a band," Olli frowns at some comments on Insta.  
 "I'll block them if you want to," Jani says.  
Maybe for now, that's a good idea.  
  
\--  
  
The positive part of your coming out are the young and old fans who start to identify themselves with you.  
You didn't expect so many other people to be like you, to have fans that are like you. People who go through the same struggle, through the same emotions and ocnfusing ride.  
 It warms your heart to see that people are even more inspired by you. And how people have come to accept themselves because their favourite lead singer is similar to them.  
   
"You've set something great in motion, M," Jaska claps you on the shoulder.  
You wipe away some tears and nod.  
 "Yeah. It's amazing."  
   
 Still, you're a bit uncertain what the first concert will be.


	16. The first concert

On the day self, you feel more in touch with your feminine side so you want to show it off.  
  
There is the usual lipstick. A raven black graces your lips perfectly. The nailpolish colours a deep red. _Passion colours everything_.  
It kind of matches with your boa which now feels like a welcoming hug of softness and warmth and familiarity.  
  
After the makeup is on, you still are hesitant about the dress.  
  
A wave of nausea whelms over you but a sudden loud knock on your door makes you look up and forget for a second.  
  
"M? You in there?" It's Jaska. Then you realize you locked the door.  
 "I-I'm coming."  
"The show starts in ten minutes. Are you ready?" Jaska asks. He sounds worried. You want to reassure him you're doing fine so you walk over to the door and unlock it.  
  
The sight behind the door surprises you. Tears automatically jump into your eyes.

Jaska is wearing a dress. It's a pastel pink colour, several orange koi fish gracing the pattern.  
Behind the guitarist is the other guitarist and the rest of the band. And they...  
  
They're _all_ wearing dresses or skirts. Olli is quite rocking that red skirt, you think. Since when did they-?  
  
"Thought you might feel more comfortable if we all wore something like you," Olli says with a smug grin on his face.  
 "Y-You shouldn't have," you stammer while wiping away some tears off your cheeks.  
 The bassist of the team comes forth and hugs you tight.  
"It's going to be alright. We're all going to rock these clothes!"  
 "Yes. So come on, put on that dashing dress you recently bought!" Olli says.  
  "Didn't buy it for nothing, right?" Kapu encourages with a wink.  
 "Y-you guys. You shoudln't have to but you did," you cry.  
  "Of course. We're friends and we always have your back!" Jani chuckles.  
   
 After you put on your own dress with more confidence than ever, they all clap for you.  
  "Group hug?" Jari suggests. Nobody says no to that and soon you're engulfed by the love of your friends and bandmates.  
    
  



End file.
